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Childrearing Transitions: Coping with Your Pre-Teen

You used to have a loving child who thought mommy and daddy were the greatest people around.  Then that child turned into a pre-teen – and all of a sudden, communication stopped, the blowups started, and your child began to treat you like an intruder into his life.  It happens to almost every family and it’s a high-stress period for you and your child.  Join us to learn some great insights that will help you weather the storm more easily, and hopefully, with a lot less stress.  We’ll introduce you to the families who are going through it, show you the parent’s and the child’s point of view, and provide you with the expert advice you need to come out the other side unscathed.


Guests:

Jennifer Gardner - Danielle's mother
Danielle Gardner -  12 years old
Jamie & Thomas Cavanaugh - 10 & 8 years old
Greg, Catherine & Olivia Sershen - 12, 11, & 9 years old
Amanda Keen - 12 years old
Victoria Francese - 10 years old
Emily Muller - 10 years old
Eleni Panogopoulos - 10 years old
Michael Collins - 12 years old
Ronan & Kieran Talty - 12 & 10 years old
Anthony Wolf, PhD - Psychologist, Frequent contributor to parenting magazines including Parents, Family Circle and has written a monthly column for CHILD Magazine. He has appeared on many television shows including NBC's Today Show, The View and CBS This Morning. He often lecturers for both parent and professional audiences.  Author of: Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? - And When Can I Get a Hamster?: A Guide to Parenting Through Divorce; The Secret of Parenting: How to Be in Charge of Today's Kids--From Toddlers to Preteens--Without Threats or Punishment; Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager; and  Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me!: The Solution to Sibling Bickering; among others.
Lori Greene., PhD - Psychologist; Assistant Professor, Albert Einstein College of Medicine; Staff Psychologist, Montefiore Medical Center;  DBT Therapist; SCID I & II interviewer & trainer; BPRS Interviewer and trainer.

Tips/Hints:

  • Tweens are going through a developmental process - not unlike the physical developmental process the body goes through
  • They are trying to create their own identities - different from their parents
  • Their communication will change - from sharing all facets of their lives one day, to giving one-word answers to the same questions
  • Tweens may exhibit volatility
  • Backtalk becomes a frequent occurrence
  • Backtalk can escalate when parents feel they have to respond in kind to backtalk
  • Disengage
  • Listen but don't react
  • Hard to watch tweens go through things on their own, but stepping back can work.
The Most Important Tips
    • Don't continue the argument - disengage! Say what you have to say and get out.
    • Don't Overreact
    • Take a step back
When to Get Professional Help
    • When your child's behavior begins to affect his/her daily life, or that of the parents or family, it may be time to seek professional help.
    • If your child is losing friends of having school trouble
    • If either or both parents are missing work to deal with your child's issues
    • If you cannot conduct your life normally, due to the tween's behavior
    • Ask your pediatrician or school psychologist for suggestions about therapists


Resources:

Websites:

Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies
www.abct.org
click on "Find a Therapist"


Books:

Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager by Dr. Anthony Wolf