Childrearing Transitions: Adapting to a New Baby

Denise Cavanaugh & Joseph Rivera - parents of Chelsea
Chelsea Grace Rivera – 3 months old
Dale V. Atkins, PhD - is a licensed psychologist who has more than twenty-five years of experience as a relationship expert, focusing on families, couples, parenting, aging well, managing stress and maintaining balance in one's life. An author of several books, articles and journals for popular and professional audiences, Dr. Atkins lectures and is often a recurrent guest expert in the media. She frequently appears on NBC-TV's "Today Show". Dr. Atkins has a private practice in New York City
May Choi-Steele - Certified Gottman Institute Educator
Claudine & Frankie Mondesir - Gottman Seminar participants
Mabel Choi - Gottman Seminar participants
Barbara Katz - Gottman Seminar participants

For Couples with a New Baby

• Keep a sense of humor and perspective
• Know you will feel overwhelmed (ask for and accept help)
• Presume you and your relationships will change
• Anticipate a Change in Your Sex Life
• Make Time To Do Things as a Couple
• Be Conscious of Your Language and Tone
• Confide Your Ups and Downs with Each Other
• Expect Difficulties and the Unexpected
• Emphasize One Another's Strengths
• Focus on the Positive: Appreciate Each Other's Unique Approach to Parenting
• Rest and Sleep Whenever You Can
• Encourage Taking Care of Yourself and Each Other

It’s All About Balance:

• Stay Connected - Be playful, open and stimulate desire. Touch base with each other during the day and after a long day.
• Try New Things Together - Work together for a cause, take a class, do something you have never done before or something you let slide that you did when you first met.
• Problem Solve Together - If one of you has a problem with the other it becomes a problem for both of you. Find ways to work it out respectfully.
• Be Nice to Each Other - Don’t take each other or the marriage for granted. Be respectful, appreciative and helpful.
• Talk About Things Other Than the Kids - Current events, classes, community activities, your future, and your values.
• Remember What's Important to Your Spouse - Take interest in what your spouse values and be aware of what he or she finds important.
• Have a Fixed Bedtime for your Children - Create rituals around bedtime such as reading out loud, talking about the day or cuddling. Reserve the rest of the evening for your spouse. Children need structure and parents need private time.
• Carve out "Couple Time" - Stay away from the internet, t.v. and cell phone. Don’t be afraid to lock your bedroom door or use a do not disturb sign. But, of course you have already explained to your kids that mom and dad need private time and shouldn’t be disturbed unless there's an emergency. You are teaching your children to respect your boundaries (but you must respect theirs as well).
• Hire a Baby-Sitter or Exchange Child Care with Another Parent - Plan dates. Unless you put it on your calendar, it won’t happen. Get away for an overnight without your children.
• Demonstrate Your Love for Your Spouse as well as Your Children - Everyone needs a hug, a kiss and hearing "I love you".

The Gottman Institute
www.gottman.com/parenting/baby

Oh Baby! - Transitioning into Parenthood
www.ohbabytips.com

Books:

Sanity Savers  by Dr. Dale Atkins

And Baby Makes Three  by John & Julie Schwartz Gottman